Differences in communication styles
I've just come back from walking my dog which is a great activity to allow the brain to ponder what to write in my next blog post.
Having recently adopted my dog from the local animal rescue centre I am learning how to communicate "dog-language". I was brought up with dogs, so thought I could learn a lot from reading a training book. Not so, with a rescue dog there's a lot more to it. This set me thinking about the parallels with person to person communication.
1. Assumptions
We often make assumptions based on our past experience and project them into the present or future experience, without checking if they are still valid (in my case assuming I could communicate with our rescue dog (Kerry) in the same way as I had with dogs brought up in a secure home from day one).
2. Styles of communication
These vary from person to person... OK I knew that and you probably did too. What I didn't realise was the subtleties within the dog communication world - where comforting a stressed dog can seem like praise, and reinforce the stressed behaviour (in Kerry's situation this is when travelling in a car). Can this happen between people? Of course it can! So make sure your communication is clear to the other person - if you are giving praise, be clear which bits are positive and also if you are giving feedback in the hope of changing future behaviour, be clear what behaviour you would like to see in the future, not just what behaviour you don't want.
3. Ask
Now this is really difficult when dealing with a dog! So I'm taking advice from behaviour specialists and learning a lot. When dealing with people you can ask the person themselves what their preference is in communication styles. I recently suggested this at a JCI Cambridge workshop and one person spoke up to say they wouldn't like to be asked, this was then counteracted by another commenting that they would like to be asked! My take is that if you don't ask you will never know.
4. Subtle signs
Watch out for the subtle signs of a mismatch in communication. This could be in slight changes in body-language, behaviour or performance. Address the issues before they grow and get out of hand(for Kerry & I we are learning our own language of communication and we both start training classes this evening).
Good luck and happy communicating
Having recently adopted my dog from the local animal rescue centre I am learning how to communicate "dog-language". I was brought up with dogs, so thought I could learn a lot from reading a training book. Not so, with a rescue dog there's a lot more to it. This set me thinking about the parallels with person to person communication.
1. Assumptions
We often make assumptions based on our past experience and project them into the present or future experience, without checking if they are still valid (in my case assuming I could communicate with our rescue dog (Kerry) in the same way as I had with dogs brought up in a secure home from day one).
2. Styles of communication
These vary from person to person... OK I knew that and you probably did too. What I didn't realise was the subtleties within the dog communication world - where comforting a stressed dog can seem like praise, and reinforce the stressed behaviour (in Kerry's situation this is when travelling in a car). Can this happen between people? Of course it can! So make sure your communication is clear to the other person - if you are giving praise, be clear which bits are positive and also if you are giving feedback in the hope of changing future behaviour, be clear what behaviour you would like to see in the future, not just what behaviour you don't want.
3. Ask
Now this is really difficult when dealing with a dog! So I'm taking advice from behaviour specialists and learning a lot. When dealing with people you can ask the person themselves what their preference is in communication styles. I recently suggested this at a JCI Cambridge workshop and one person spoke up to say they wouldn't like to be asked, this was then counteracted by another commenting that they would like to be asked! My take is that if you don't ask you will never know.
4. Subtle signs
Watch out for the subtle signs of a mismatch in communication. This could be in slight changes in body-language, behaviour or performance. Address the issues before they grow and get out of hand(for Kerry & I we are learning our own language of communication and we both start training classes this evening).
Good luck and happy communicating
Labels: communication, communication styles, misunderstandings
posted by Kate Atkin at 8:21 am
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